We’ve all been there – in our twenty-somethings (well at least for many girls) (maybe thirty-somethings for guys), wondering when we will meet “the one” – the one we will marry and hopefully spend the rest of our lives with. We’ve grown up with this pre-conceived notion, drummed into our heads that somehow we need just one person to complete us from some point on, until the end of our lives. We start drawing pictures in school of families – a mother, father, child, and perhaps some pets. We watch television where commercials show the two parents and kids in a societal notion of what family is, when clearly that’s not the case for almost fifty percent of the population in the United States comprised of single parents.
We are born into this world without a companion counterpart. Why is it at some arbitrarial age we are conditioned to think that we aren’t enough on our own?
Until I became [happily] single, again, I never challenged the societal “norm”. I thought, this is what you do: You grow up, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after – with that one person you chose as your mate. Some people choose to do that series of events multiple times over the course of their lives, too. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s just not “me”.
The thing is, people change, time moves on, and just as one may hold down several different jobs over the course of a lifetime, maybe, just maybe, if you are wired like I am, you find that you relate to different people at different times in your life, for companionship, fun, great sex, and possibly love.
As a single gal, I don’t have to “report” to anyone else as far as where I’m going, who I’m going with, and what I’m doing. This is a freedom that I definitely took for granted in my younger pre-marriage years. It’s truly liberating to do what I want, when I want to, with whomever I want – no explanations necessary, no checking in. There’s no worry that anyone would get upset if I’m out with only women, only men, a combination of both, or just a one-on-one scenario with a person of my choice. No one feels left out, if I’m out, and they’re not with me.
I don’t have to share my closet, bathroom, or living space with a spouse! This completely thrills me. A girl can never have too much closet space! No one can mess up my stuff, dirty the clean towels, use the last bit of toothpaste, or track mud across the floor adult-style. Unless I invite someone to share a bed with me, no one will smack me in the head rolling over, steal the covers, or keep me awake snoring.
If I want to hide out for a day and not wear make-up, nor do my hair, and ignore the world, I don’t have to worry about anyone of the opposite sex seeing me in my not-so-perfect state.
I don’t always have to cook for two (or more)! I have a little girl (and a dog), but at times when I’m alone, I can just make something easy for dinner like a salad, pick on leftovers, or create a smorgasbord of cheeses, bread, and salumi to snack on with a glass of wine and be satisfied. There’s no one around to complain about it either.
There’s no fighting for remotes! No one else can spend money to drive up my bills! And no one can read my mail, mess up my desk, and listen in on my conversations. It’s glorious!
And let’s get to the heart of the matter, shall we? No more boring sex! No same-old sex with someone who you’ve grown too used to. I can have exciting sex whenever I want it with whomever I choose.
Single gal and TheLadyinRedBlog reader, Kellie Fogg says, “I love being a single gal because I do not have to explain how much money I spend on things and can decorate my apartment as I want.”
I hear ya, Kellie! We make money, so we should be able to spend it without justification, pontification, or questioning looks from anyone. And, NO MORE MANCAVES! Yay! We don’t have to designate a room for male bonding over the 3B’s: baseball, bad décor, and beer!
Oh sure, men can state several joys of bachelorhood without a doubt. They can leave the toilet seat up without a complaint, watch porn without it posing a problem… and I do believe that there are just as many happy single guys out there as single women, too – who, are NOT searching for something, or someone, to share everything with.
Dating is great. You get to spend time with someone and it’s exciting, exhilarating, and they also get to go home! This just perpetuates the anticipation of seeing them again, and not taking them for granted as a permanent couch fixture on a Friday night.
Just because married people say “I do”… it doesn’t mean “I do – everything!” “I do agree with you all of the time”, or “I do give up my freedom to act as an individual.” Unfortunately, many do – not agree, and expect their spouse to 1) never change, 2) never make a decision without them, and 3) never lead a life outside of marriage when it comes to their career, friends, or decision making skills. That kind of thinking leaves one of them feeling trapped, looking for an escape, back – to singlehood, in some shape or form, even if it doesn’t mean divorce.
Sure, there are comforts for some in the world of being married – you can say love, or never having to find a date on New Year’s Eve. Maybe you can save on auto insurance with the “married” rate, or combine salaries to afford a house. Perhaps in some cases both people operate as a successful team, balancing out each other in ways where each person completes the other’s “half”. Well, frankly, I never saw myself as a “half”; I always viewed myself as a “whole” person….and as such, I don’t feel I need a complementary companion to complete me. A companion can accentuate my life, support me, and accelerate happiness – but I am not deficient without one.
Is this a case of “is the grass always greener on the other side?” Maybe for some it is. For me, it’s not. I’ve been there; done that. Marriage is just not for me. I wish that growing up someone challenged my idea of what life would be like twenty or thirty years from then and made me think.
I take care of myself and always have. In relationships I always found myself to be the caretaker of not just myself, but of the other person as well. Did I really need TWICE as much laundry to do? Wash double the dishes? Clean up two times the mess? No, not really. And I certainly didn’t have the fortune of marrying someone who could cook or participate in the daily duties around the house. In some cases there is a partnership that shares the day-to-day “stuff” everyone deals with; but in other instances, one person marries a maid, chef, and errand-runner, for convenience, sometimes with love; sometimes they settle. I didn’t need the extra baggage weighing me down. I’m already someone’s mommy – I didn’t volunteer to do it for a grown man. I’m not your momma nor your maid.
Do I need someone to take care of me? Everyone needs someone at some time. Do I enjoy male companionship? Absolutely, but not 24/7. Do I cherish my freedom as a single woman? You bet! Would I ever give it up for a man? No way! I like the flexibility to live my life on my terms. I don’t need a male maid or errand person. If I wanted that kind of presence in my life I could hire a personal assistant or a cleaning crew – and they go home when they are done for the day!
…but I like a sexy someone to sweep me off my feet and escape with me for a moment, not marriage.
I fully expect about fifty percent of the population won’t see eye-to-eye with me on my view of singularity; but for those of us out here who love being single by choice, it’s something to celebrate! And for those who "single" me out as being “jaded” or “unjustified” in my comments, you have to admit, there are at least moments when you have had thoughts of non-toilet-seat-up scenarios or babe-free zones pass through your mind.
I’d rather have a lifetime of lovers, than make the wrong choice and be legally bound to limitations that I’m just not designed to deal with.